Monday, May 14, 2012

guilt, obligation, and disappointment

Another Hallmark holiday has come and gone. Mothers Day. I awoke and turned on my computer to see all the facebook postings of breakfast in bed, fancy brunches, etc. This is one those days that I have never really felt a part of. I think the only time I have had breakfast in bed was when I was in the hospital giving birth or having minor surgery!

The day for me has usually been spent visiting my mother or someone else's mother and typically that means getting up in the morning and making some sort of food to bring for the gathering and drive an hour or more to get there on time. While the days have been enjoyable, my mind is often elsewhere...

I have had two Mothers Days that were very memorable. I was selling new construction for a builder at the time and worked every weekend, Mothers Day was no exception. One year my daughter brought lunch to the model home for us. We were having torrential rain and most of NH experienced serious flooding that weekend and we had virtually no customers. My partner Mark was there and he opened a bottle of wine that we had in the fridge, washed some of the glasses that were part of our decor, and poured us each a glass. It felt so indulgent (and sneaky!) to be enjoying a glass of wine and a tasty lunch with my girl while at work!

The next year the weather was much better. After work I met Danielle at a very nice Italian restaurant nearby for an early dinner that included some very good martinis. We then went to her house and took a long walk in the countryside together.

Danielle and I have had many, many days like this, it just happens to be that these two were planned around Mothers Day... we don't need a "special" day set aside to enjoy each others company. Too often "holidays" like Mothers & Fathers day make people feel guilty, obligated, or disappointed. I know that over the years I have experienced each of those emotions on the so-called Hallmark holidays. It took me a long time to get over it... and I will admit that sometimes it's still a work in progress.


  1. Mothers (and daughters) need to be appreciated at all sorts of times!

    I've always spent so called mothers day working harder than usual! Your post title just sums it up- I did have a lovely Grandmother thankfully!!

  2. I think all people should be appreciated on no special day and for no special reason including mothers, fathers, spouses, friends, those unexpected celebrations and thoughtful gestures are the things that make up for the disappointing people and disappointments in life.

  3. the dog ate me comment-oh, well! It's all good!

  4. I am debating whether or not I will post about my mothers day, Grrrr..... Maybe I'll send you an email instead!

  5. and to think mother's day was originally a way of remembering all the sons and daughters who had died in wars....

  6. My mom is out of the country so I didn't even send a card as it would be missed in the stack of mail she'll have when she gets home. But I am planning a surprise for her on her return in the hopes that it will mean as much to her as your daughter's actions mean to you. We should not just celebrate our loved one's on commercial holidays.


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