recently someone very close to me told me they think i moved too quickly into a new relationship after john died. that i was selfish and have become a different person in the last two years. since john's death i have followed a few blogs about widows, widowers and families left behind. interestingly enough there was a post i read this week on the very subject of finding love again soon after loss. below is a comment from that blog...
I have heard the scathing comments about others who have dared not to follow the "script" of widowhood. Especially when it comes to love.
I always think - they must have been so loved and so in love because despite it all - the broken and smashed heart of grief - they dare to risk it all again. It is the most courageous act - to open your heart to love again when you have lost someone you so desperately wanted to be with forever. I always said I wanted my life to be defined by one thing and that was how much I could love. My husband taught me more about that than anyone ever has.
Why must we forgo our humanity to prove that we loved them so deeply?
am i a different person than i was two years ago? absolutely. how can you be the caregiver for your loved one, hold them in your arms as they die and not be affected by that? have i become selfish? maybe. perhaps i felt i deserved to be. moving forward i will be conscious of that side of me and work harder at not being selfish.
the one thing i will not do is apologize for finding love again. even if it was too soon for other peoples standards.