7 years gone by...

JZ

I try to keep busy on this day. 

It took me almost a month to blog about it, you can read that post here

Thursday's Breakfast

Cereal and coffee with John Zentner (bowl) and Gary Rith (mug). A great pair.

Life's been crazy. The daily struggle is finding a balance between work in the pottery studio and getting this move completed. Jeff and I have spent too much time this week wrestling with curtains. The only reason we are hanging them is because the windows are big and we need to filter some of the wonderful sunlight that comes streaming in. If we didn't, we might bake in the southern heat... and boy is hot this week. Mid to high 90's everyday.

We have a few finishing touches to complete in the kitchen. Maybe there will be photos here tomorrow. Have a great day!

Remembering

Some of you may recall that sometime last month, a woman named EC posted on my blog that she bought a pitcher at a second hand shop in Rhode Island, with a JZ stamp on it. Upon researching the JZ , she found my blog and realized that the pitcher was made by John Zentner. I asked her to send me photos and she was very kind to do so.

This pitcher is definitely John's, because there is his chop below the handle. I am thinking it is very early work. I don't have anything that looks like this and I have some pieces going back to the 80's that he and Bill Van Gilder made when they were working together. I am thinking this is perhaps from the 70's.

Here are some pitchers that he made in last few years before he died. This salt glazed one sits on my counter and we use it everyday. It fills the steamer on the wood stove, carries hot water to the studio to fill our throwing pails, and has watered many plants. It's a beauty and feels so good in your hands.

I just love this little one. It's on a shelf in the living room and I most often use it for sangria or cheap jug wine. It makes the cheap stuff taste so much better.

I thought this was a good day to share these pitchers with the world. John died six years ago today. Each year is a little easier, but the holiday season has never been the same since 2008.
If you are a new blog reader you can read about our story here or here.

Thank you EC for sharing photos of JZ's work from the past. I am glad that his pitcher found you. I think it is in good hands.

The Passing of Time

February 17th came and went and I didn't remember that it was Jz's birthday. I thought about it a few times before the date, and didn't remember again until the 18th. In the past I have grilled burgers (his favorite food) and sipped scotch to celebrate his life. This year it came and went without my marking the occasion.

At first I was sad and a little mad at myself for forgetting. Then I realized it means I have moved beyond grief and enjoy a happy new life with Jeff. It doesn't mean I have forgotten Jz at all.

On the New Hampshire home front, my Mom has had some rough days. Her nurse and physical therapist think she will see a big improvement by the end of the week. Thankfully my sister has been able to stay with her and Dad. As for me, I am trying to avoid the feelings of guilt for not being there. Not easy when you were raised Catholic. ;-)

Coincidence or The Universe at Work?

After writing my blog post on December 12th, I went out to get the mail. Inside the box was a thick envelope, addressed to me, postmarked Pennsylvania. It was a letter and photos of a dining table set with dinnerware made by John Zentner.

Last summer this gentleman had contacted me via e-mail to say he had purchased this complete set at a consignment store in W. Virginia. He spent a few months researching who the "JZ" maker was. Through my blog he figured it out. He told me he would send photos of the work, but I never heard from him again and put it in the back of my mind.

I find it amazing that his letter and photos arrived on the fifth anniversary of John's passing. 

five years...

"The Kiss" Father and Son

It's hard for me to believe that it's been five years since John died. I have stopped counting full moons, but I never stop thinking of him. This week I have been reflecting on the last few weeks of his life. Aside from the day to day and night to night care, we had wonderful visits with family and friends. I think these photos, taken by John's brother Joe, are a peek into the moments we shared. We enjoyed meals around his bedside, laughed, reminisced, listened to, and played music.

John made the choice to die in his own way.

I think he made a good one.

uke playing - Jimi Hendrix style

rambling thoughts...

This evening I was outside glazing pots for the wood firing and as I was glazing I could hear my neighbor's hoe as he worked in his cornfield. It reminded me that making pots is a lot like farming. You need to do what you need to do... no matter what the time is. Like some might say "This ain't no nine to five job".
These thoughts reminded me of a blog post John wrote back in 2006... you can read it by clicking here. If you are so inclined to click and read that post, I think you will be inspired to go back and read more of his blog. His writing was insightful, and reflected the gentle nature of his being. I wish he had had more time on this earth to share more of his wisdom and thoughts through blogging.

In the here and now... I had these pendants made for a raku firing, but decided to glaze them and fire them in the wood kiln. I am excited to see how they react with the ash. The best news that I have tonight is that our electrical problems have all been taken care of! There was nothing wrong with the electric kiln, it was a problem in the electrical box. Our house issues are cured as well...
I will sleep soundly tonight.

Back Porch Pottery...

After an evening walk I was out on the porch enjoying a glass of wine (it finally feels like spring!) and I was looking at all the pots that we have displayed out here. Our collection is so large we that we don't have room for it all in the house! I was admiring these two pots that I found in the closet after JZ died. I packed them up and moved them twice. It was until I came to North Carolina that they have been on display. The one thing that I hadn't noticed before is that these have both John's JZ chop and Bill van Gilder's chop. I know that these were made when he and Bill were in business together and I think that John made them, but I am not 100% sure. When I pick them up they feel like John's, but maybe I am a sentimental romantic!

I have quite a few pots that have both of their chop marks. Most are smaller and have more of a Byron Temple influence.

These pots evoke a southwestern feel for me and I wonder if they were made during the time period of a show in Frederick, MD at The American Design Store...

This card has been tucked inside John's kiln log & glaze recipe notebook. I treasure the notebook and refer to it often. The back of the card says the opening reception was on March 24, but there is no year. I am thinking sometime in the 80's. Perhaps John's family or Bill can help me figure out the date.

That's all the news from the back porch, sorry there was no musical accompaniment (lame reference to NPR's Back Porch music).

The year I was thrown off the Christmas treadmill...

I was never a crazy, over the top, participant in Christmas. A christmas tree, some tasteful decorations, and a reasonable amount of money spent on gifts for family and friends worked for me. It would still get stressful at times, to squeeze everything in, in a few short weeks, and worry if I had forgotten someone, or something.

Some years back my elderly parents announced that they were only buying Christmas gifts for the grandchildren. We adult kids were getting too hard to buy for and they asked us kids to please not buy them anything either. I continued to buy them something every year, I just couldn't imagine not!
...and then there was December of 2008.

John died on the twelfth of December. I obviously had not done any Christmas shopping. I returned to work within the week... the thought of being home alone in an empty house was unbearable. Work would keep me occupied. I drove past the mall everyday, to and from work. Finally one evening I decided I needed to stop and doing some Christmas shopping. I wandered around the mall feeling like an outsider, walking through a world that I didn't belong to. How could all these people be happy and festive? How can the world continue to be business as usual when I have experienced this tragedy? I left the mall and drove home without making a single purchase.

At some point I did manage to get my daughter and her boyfriend a gift certificate and I made some chocolate peppermint bark. Christmas dinner was at my parents, everyone was there... the chocolate peppermint bark was forgotten at home (but I did remember the gift card). It was a really nice Christmas day spent with the family I love. Like the Who's down in Whoville, Christmas still came without all the gifts and fanfare.

Since 2008 I don't stress about Christmas gifts or really buy much of anything except for my daughter, and even there I keep it simple. Sometimes you have to learn the hard way.

Reflections on the past

4 years have passed since John died. I try not to dwell too much on this day, mostly I keep my thoughts to myself... I prefer to celebrate his life on his birthday in February. Thats not to say that I don't find myself counting down the days in December until the twelfth arrives. This year I have also been thinking about another woman's journey through life and death...

I have a facebook "friend" that I have never met. She is a painter who splits her time between North Carolina and Maine. She grew up in New Hampshire and we "met" through a mutual, real and in the flesh friend, Mark. Katy's guy has cancer and it's terminal. He has spent a lot of time in India and he decided he wanted to return there to die with dignity, and in his own way. They visited with lots of family and friends in the United States before making the long trip to India. I have kept up with their journey through a blog they are writing together.

I know from experience that it's hard for family and friends to accept the decisions you make about how you want to die. John wanted to die at home. There was no way he was going back to the hospital or a hospice facility. His parents would have liked him to go back to Maryland and be close to them, my parents thought a hospice house would be better than home, they worried about me having to take care of him. John was the one dying, it was his choice to make. We both knew that home was the best place for him. Everyone finally accepted his decision. I took a leave of absence from work and we were nearly inseparable from November 1st until December 12th. A hospice nurse did come whenever we needed her. It was a very special and intimate time... like we were in our own little 'bubble" of a world for six weeks.
John died at home during the big ice storm of 2008... we had no power or heat, and a tree had fallen on my car, ripping the power lines off the house as it fell. I wrote a post about that day and you can read it here and here.

The hardest part about losing a partner is returning to "real life" and coming home to an empty house.

Expecting to receive that smile and warm hug...
and it's not there, the house is empty.

I have been thinking a lot about Katey's long journey back to the United States from India without her beloved. I am sure it will be a difficult one to make and my wish for her is strength and courage.

a special message

I have spent much of this week taking a break from the internet. The the craftsmen's fair has filled our days and whatever energy that was left in the evening is spent connecting with friends or crashing at our hosts home with a glass of wine and some reading.
Tonight I took a quick look through of some of the blogs I follow and noticed that Alyssa, who owns a tea shoppe in NH, did a blog post about the fair. Alyssa carried John's work in her shop.
Her post this evening made me catch my breath.

apotheca

In Memory of JZ................

February 17, 1951 - December 12, 2008

During the last few weeks of John's life, the wonderful Jane Kaufmann visited us at home and interviewed John in order to create a collaborative piece for the NH Potters Guild biennial exhibition.  Knowing that John was  not able to work in clay any longer, it was decided between them that Jane would make a raku fired pedestal that would hold a pot of his choosing.  Jane would carve a narrative into it that would reflect the conversations that they had together.  The two of them e-mailed back and forth until it was decided what the pedestal would say.  Jane called me to let me know that the pedestal was finished and would John like to choose a glaze color... I had to break the news to her that John had died over the weekend.

Jane chose the glaze color and delivered the pedestal to me so that I could choose a pot to go on top.  It was a hard decision and I changed my mind many times before the exhibition.  I finally settled on a teapot.  Mary Barringer, potter and current editor of Studio Potter magazine, was the juror for the exhibition and she chose the collaborative for an award... she said she was very moved by the piece.

I know I have posted about this in the past, but today would have been John's 60th birthday and I felt like I needed to tell his story again.  I brought the storytelling piece outside to photograph since it is a lovely warm day... and the crocus are blooming.  

the bottom line reads "i love the smell of wet clay"

this one is my favorite: "i am a three guitar man, music came before clay, i love movies and good storytelling too.   i have never chased a dollar, decided if i was going to be broke i might as well be broke doing something that i love"
when i read this i can hear john's voice in my head and heart

tonight i will open up a good bottle of scotch that has been waiting for today...

here's to you zen cowboy... i miss you every day.

missing you...

John Zentner

February 17, 1951 - December 12, 2008

John Zentner

i have written and rewritten this post a dozen or more times. i can't find the words that truly convey the bitter sweetness of the past year. john had cancer...a battle he fought with all his might. john died on December 12, 2008. knowing that your time in this world is coming to an end can be a gift and that is how we lived the last six weeks of john's life. he wanted to stay home...no more hospitals. we took care of each other. we snuggled in the hospital bed together watching movies or looking at pots in ceramics magazines. friends and family came from near and far. birthday celebrations, thanksgiving, guitar playing, reminiscing of crazy youthful times. we savored every moment.

my life is forever changed by our love.

Strictly Functional 2008

john was accepted...YAHOO!!!! this is the one ceramics show that he REALLY wanted to get in to this year...he had made it his mission. it is very competitive - this years juror was Linda Arbuckle and there were over 1000 submissions...the icing on the cake was that not only did that acceptance come in yesterdays mail but also another for a teapot show at the Craft Alliance Gallery in St. Louis.
check out pics of John's work - http://www.flickr.com/photos/clayboy/

congratulations john...you worked hard and deserve the recognition.